Hello everyone, I’m back from my little break, had a few new healthy life changes that I’m adjusting to. I feel refreshed enough to write something from my own personal experience that will hopefully find many hearts so that they may take what they need from it.
This is going to be a looong blog so, grab a bottle of… almond milk… and get cracking!
Once upon a time, not long ago, I was a drifter. This was not my ideal way to live, however, I kept finding myself in unfortunate situations. I was a sucker for love and at the time I thought living with my ex was a great idea, it was not. I did not want to live alone but I also did not want to live with my dad, (that’s a different blog for a different day). But, we won’t be discussing boyfriends or dads too much in this blog, we’re going to be discussing a roommate nightmare.
Being a drifter, I ended up in a predicament where I needed a place to stay ASAP. I went on Craigslist and saw a female in her late 20s, looking for a roommate, I thought, perfect, I don’t have to live with a guy! There was always more guys than girls needing roommates and I just felt more comfortable with a girl roommate due to previous incidences.
I talked with her and she seemed very friendly and open and we immediately got along. She mentioned having pets, which threw me off because I prefer not to live with pets because I’m kind of intolerant to messes. But hey, I was really desperate. We talked over text and I agreed to meet her and plan to move in literally the same day. I was grateful for this because I was all out of any better options at the time. When I met her face to face she looked so bright and positive which I loved, I’m a virgo so I love positive people!
We sat and talked about me and then she told me about herself. We had a lot of things to connect about, a lot of similar struggles with life. Naturally we became instant friends, she had a lot to say and I was happy to listen.
Now, she told me she had a really good job at this pet shop and just needed someone to pay their portion of rent. After some time went by I started to see that she was not working and had not been for some time. She had a younger guy that was her on and off again boyfriend but seemingly, mostly off, they weren’t super romantic. His family refused to talk to her and did not want him to be around her, he had to pretend that he was not in a relationship with her so they would not be upset with him. I later learned why his family hated her, and I completely agree with their decision to not support that relationship. He paid for most of her expenses, he was in the middle of a job transition so money was a little tight for him. I’m not in the best of financial situations myself, I was 20 years old working a part-time job.
Before I even arrived they were months behind on rent, which was the reason I was saved from signing the lease. They were not allowed to renew the lease until they were caught up on rent. The lease then switched to a month to month contract which made the rent higher. This all took place before I lived there and I was informed of this later on. I was confused as to why she wasn’t working when they were so behind on payments. She had a running car and no other responsibilities such as children or school. I was stuck with a job I hated to help with the expenses and she couldn’t even get a casual job for a little side hustle. This bothered me because everyday I would come home and she would be asleep on the couch in front of the TV constantly. She never slept in her room, she would just live in the livingroom. She lived a very sedentary lifestyle, basically sat in one spot all day and never really wanted to leave the apartment. Which I believed, fueled a lot of her aggression. She developed anxiety of going out into public, I would convince her to go out on walks with me just because I was worried for her health. I was afraid that she would develop full blown agoraphobia.
Since she didn’t have any source of income other than her boyfriend, I would have to provide most, sometimes all of the groceries and supplies for the home, including her personal supplies, and other uncategorized money given to her every now and again,whilst trying to pay my half of rent and my car and phone payments. She seemed appreciative of my efforts and would thank me and try to do nice things for me here and there. Despite the negativity, I was happy that she cared enough to try to show me that she was happy that I was there and helping as much as could.
During living with her I met my current boyfriend, he started to hang around often, we were enjoying each other’s company. We liked to spend a lot of time together, he liked to stay over a lot because he was excited to be in a new relationship. But, because I was healing from a bad breakup, we had some negativity in our relationship, I was having trouble accepting him. Through love and patience, and a lot of communication, we are in a happy, healthy relationship now today.
I later learned that my boyfriend hanging around so much became an issue for her, which is totally understandable. We would go a week without seeing each other, which I thought was fair. I was okay with telling my boyfriend to go home because I’m not a fan of constant company myself. In fact, I got a little irritated with the constant fights between her and her on and off again boyfriend. They were loud and violent, I later learned that they had a history of domestic violence of her beating him until he was unconscious. Which was the main reason of his family hating her, and other things that she did that was seen as unforgivable. She also had a separate domestic violence charge, amongst multiple other charges and jail time. I knew these things living with her but being the person that I am, I did not judge. What I did not know is that she has frequent violent episodes, she would throw glass and lash out for small reasons and just simply be fine the next minute.
Since her boyfriend was the sole provider, she would often tell me to find somewhere else to live whenever they fought because he would threaten to stop paying the bills and have us both be homeless. This happened randomly so many times that I would have panic attacks due to stress. This included my own anxiety and anxiety triggered due to living with all of the dark energy.
When they fought she would throw glass and break things, there would be glass all over the floor even though there were 4 pets living there, 1 of which she got randomly without anyone’s permission, which was a small dog. Let’s backtrack to where I mentioned not wanting to live with pets because of my intolerances. The dog had anxiety and dependency issues and would pee uncontrollably throughout the apartment and poop instantly when left alone even for a moment. If living with 4 animals didn’t drive me crazy enough, 1 of them had to have more issues than she did. The neighbors complained of barking because the dog would bark and make loud noises relentlessly. He would knock over the trash can and drag the trash throughout the apartment, knock over anything left on the livingroom table which was often coffee because she’s a coffee drinker. It was hell. Her only response was to hit the dog, that only made him pee more. Over time the entire apartment smelled like urine and so did the cluttered balcony. The balcony was like an episode of Hoarders, there was a tiny space to get in and out of the door, and to top it off it was also decorated with cigarettes, pee and poop. I had a lot of patience with the clutter because I knew it would take a lot of work to clean it all up but considering she didn’t work or leave the apartment, I figured she’d have plenty of time to get to it. She never got to it. The kitchen was constantly a mess unless I buckled down and cleaned it, which had to be when she wasn’t around, and it wasn’t often that she wasn’t around. I would attempt to clean up her mess in the kitchen but she’d stop me and promise to get to it. I would have to clean it when I had alone time so she wouldn’t stop me. She would leave her dirty dishes in the sink and say everyday that she would clean it. Days would go by, mold would grow and she would finally give in and wash her dishes. It was the most frustrating thing to have someone stop you from cleaning just to let the mess stay there for days preventing you from having a clean home to enjoy.
There was one night we decided to relax with some liquid courage. ‘Big mistake, huge!’ (Two snaps for those who got the Pretty Woman reference). After a few drinks, she started to become a little alive, my boyfriend happened to be the victim of this night because she started to get a little handsy with him. He politely removed himself because he’s a good guy. She continued to drink and get more unusual and soon she had a fit of convulsions on the floor. She came out of it enough to tell us not to call the police and to instead call her on and off again boyfriend, I found that a little convenient, but why take the chance and be wrong when it comes to someone’s health. He arrives and assists with her, I retire to bed. The next morning is chaos.
In the morning, I am woken up to crying and yelling, she’s banging on my door asking me to get up. I go to the door to see what’s going on, she’s crying and talking about this fight she just had with her on and off again bf. He read some inappropriate, sexually suggestive messages she’s sent to this man the previous night and he was so angry that he poured cold juice on her while she was sleeping. He fought loudly with her and then left to go to a friend’s. She called him so many times that he stopped answering and when he did answer, it was not a happy talk. Convinced they were officially over, she tore up the apartment. She tore down pictures and decorations from the walls and threw them all across the living room, she broke her phone, and both hers and his laptops, she put a giant hole in the living room wall, I should’ve taken pictures. There was glass and broken objects covering the entire floor, and she picked something up and hit it right against my boyfriend’s flatscreen TV and smashed the screen. He wasn’t there, I was wishing he was because he would’ve called the cops like I should have. I just felt so bad seeing someone in such a self destructive state that I could do nothing but watch. She ran out of the door and I decided to text her ex boyfriend and let him know that she destroyed the apartment. Because I felt that he should return back since it’s in his name and he needs to be aware of what’s going on. I tell him about the TV, he offers to cover the damages. When she gets back from wherever, she sat outside and cries, I let her know that she doesn’t need to be embarrassed and I tell her to come inside so I can brew some calming herbal tea and initiate a conversation. I tell her not to worry about the TV, and that her ex said that he’ll cover it because he felt partially responsible. She flips out on me for talking to her ex, saying it’s none of my business, even though I was unwillingly dragged into it from the beginning. She forces me to grab all of my things and leave immediately, she said ‘you need to get all of your things and get out’. She goes on saying she doesn’t need anyone and continues to insult me with derogatory remarks. She left and went to a strip club to apply for a job as a performer since she would no longer be needing me. I’m not sure if that was a cry for help or actually a retaliation. It seemed to be both.
My boyfriend came to rescue me after a very desperate phone call. I told him that she wants me to leave and she’s unstable. He helps me to get my things, unfortunately we had to leave some things behind. She showed no sympathy to me while I’m leaving, she instead continued to be rude and make mocking comments. If I were less emotionally intelligent I would’ve let that push me to anger and retaliate with violence or try to retort. I’m clearly able to see that this girl is completely unstable and I’m better off leaving with my boyfriend who was being so supportive and calm, even after seeing his damaged TV. (I have since replaced his TV with a lovely smart TV, he’s very happy :))
After I leave she gets a hold of technology and sends me message calling me a bitch and being immature. A few days later she uses her ex to communicate with my boyfriend so that we can meet and she can apologize. We sit and talk and she basically pretends that nothing ever happened, a basic guilt ridden technique. While pretending nothing happened she offered to be roommates again. At the time I was still very upset so I did not have a healthy response to her immature behavior. I was closed off and emotional and I did not feel like hearing anything except her groveling for forgiveness.
Here is a quick lesson: do not ever wait for someone to admit to their faults before you forgive them, just do it anyway. You’ll be happier and healthier in the long run, as long as you forgive them and most importantly, yourself, you are golden.
Since that day I’ve never seen or heard from her again. I did not offer her any friendship or promise of a potential friendship because I did not feel like it was a wise choice. I sometimes wonder where her life has taken her. The universe has a way of showing you things you are meant to know.
I have since thanked God for that experience because it helped me see myself for my worth, and I can see that everyone has their demons, and they aren’t mine to fight. I have a superman syndrome that urges me to gravitate towards broken people and help them, I forget that not all battles are mine and I have to learn to say no. You are not obligated to listen to everyone’s problems, you have the right to say, I’m sorry but I don’t think I can hear this right now, or try switching the tone of the conversation. If that person is persistently negative you may choose to step away, because instead of pulling them up you just might go down with them.
This crazy roommate story may have been entertaining but it’s meant for someone, and I want you to take whatever you need from it, just like I did. Peace be with you all.
Disclaimer: All characters and events are fictional and derived from my own imaginings. All media is copyright to its original owners.